In the eye of a storm, have you ever felt like hitting a reset button on your life and just starting over? Have you ever got to a point where nothing made sense anymore and you simply wanted to wipe the slate clean? Have you ever made a colossal mistake and wished you could hit “delete”?
Perhaps we cannot undo the past; but we can certainly make better choices today that will lead to better outcomes. When we take an experience that has left us hurt and feeling vulnerable; we heal by finding meaning in that experience. I’ve met hundreds of people who, in the throes of divorce and so enveloped in the pain, that they cannot even begin to imagine a life beyond that. Yet, in a few months, perhaps a year or two, they meet someone really incredible and look back at the divorce in gratitude. Had that not happened, they would not be experiencing this soul enhancing relationship now.
It’s exactly the same when someone loses a job or a business fails. We have a choice to either give up; or we can take the lessons and create something better; something more in tune with who we have become.
Whether we like it or not; whether we believe it or not; life causes us to learn, grow and constantly become better versions of ourselves. Who you were at 20 is a far cry from who you are at 50. Our greatest challenges are our greatest teachers. However, learning can be easier if we choose to live more consciously.
What do I mean by that? When we experience a challenge, let’s say your partner cheated on you; and you remain in the space of blaming them for your unhappiness and pain; you are not learning the lesson. Unfortunately, you may attract a new partner who seems amazing at first, who may do exactly the same thing to you down the line. Your second opportunity to learn. Ever wondered why most people have a “type”? We attract the same kind of people over and over again until we take a step back and consciously look at why we are creating the same circumstances over and over again.
When we look at the situation consciously; we take responsibility for our role in the breakdown of that relationship. Did I make my partner feel special, loved, safe and appreciated? Was my partner free to be him/herself with me? When I suspected he/she was cheating, did I turn a blind eye, just to keep the peace? When my partner treated me badly, did I speak up or just allow them to be disrespectful?
When we ask the tough questions; we are consciously taking the lessons and then we ask: “How can I do it differently the next time?”
Can I create better boundaries for myself in terms of what is acceptable and what is not for me? Can I learn to communicate my needs more effectively? Do I know how to create a space for both my partner and I to feel loved, appreciated, desired, inspired and supported? Can I learn the skills to resolve differences with loving kindness?
When we start asking the deeper questions, we evolve to higher states of being; experiencing life more fully, more intimately with unbridled joy and delicious happiness.
Kas Naidoo is a relationship coach and matchmaker on a mission to help people find and create deeply loving, joyful, sustainable relationships.