It’s February – the month of LOVE. Are you seeing happy couples everywhere and feeling blue about being single on Valentine’s Day? What’s your signature style around this time? Do you hide out and pray fervently that the perfect person for you will show up at your doorstep? Or do you throw yourself into work and point blank ignore the shiny heart shaped balloons and chocolates?
Perhaps it’s time for change; a change that shifts your focus from the societal pressure of being attached to the sheer joy of being single. Now hear me out before you bite my head off. I fully understand that loneliness can be soul shattering. I’m not saying that you should remain single; I’m saying that you should enjoy and make full use of the time you have, before your next relationship. This can be a really special time if you simply switch your perspective.
When you’re living your best life, you become very attractive to a potential partner. Think about it this way – would you rather meet someone who is passionate about their work, hobbies and life in general or someone that is depressed and desperately wanting to be in a relationship? I think the answer is obvious. Now, how do you become the person that gets the attention of a high quality partner?
Use this time to really get to know yourself. What makes you fall in love with life? Try a few new things until you find something that you can get excited about. Let’s say you’ve always wanted to try painting or yoga but never had the time to do it before. Join an art class or a yoga class. If you’re having fun, get really good at it. Be the best you can be and then stretch yourself a little more. With yoga, that would be quite literal. Chances are you will meet people with a common interest.
Use this time to be more spontaneous. Being single means you can accept invitations on the spot. There’s no one to check in with first. Start saying “yes” more often; whether it’s an invitation to watch a movie from a high school friend; a colleague’s birthday party or to help out at a shelter. These activities not only give you the opportunity to practise your social skills, it also gives you a chance to meet new people. Better still, be the one who sends out the invitations. If you like the movies or theatre or live music; find out what’s on and invite a few friends. Be in charge of your own social life.
Focus on your health and wellbeing. Are you at your peak or could you learn to deal with emotional eating and perhaps tone those tummy muscles? Looking your best always boosts your confidence. Your body language speaks volumes. Observe your stride. Are you walking around, dragging your feet, looking at the ground with a frown on your face? Try looking up, making eye contact and smiling more often. It sends a message to people that you are approachable.
Connect with your vision for your life; both personal and professional. Become clear about what you want to create for yourself. Once you have a clear picture of the future you want to create, begin taking steps to create that future. A person with purpose and a plan, is very attractive. You stand firm in your authenticity and understand that the partner that comes into your life must be able to add value to your life because you can certainly add value to theirs.
Appreciate who you are, not just who you’re with. When you feel good within yourself; when you know who you are; what you have to offer and what you want from life; you will be able to identify the partner that is right for you, when you meet them. You set the standard for the type of relationship you want and how you choose to be treated. When you stand in your power, the new person realises that you want them in your life but you’re not coming from a place of neediness and desperation.
Becoming the best version of yourself, while you’re single, makes you feel good about yourself. You realise how incredible you are. It is from this space that you will attract a partner that is deserving of you.
Kasturi Naidoo – Relationship Coach and Matchmaker