I believe that the time has come for us to create conscious relationships that are deep, loving, meaningful and mutually uplifting. In the past many of us, myself included, created relationships by default. As children we look at the relationships around us and unconsciously create a blueprint for what relationships look like; how men and women behave and how they treat each other.
If you were lucky enough to have had parents or grandparents with amazing relationships, deep connection and open, loving communication, you would be in the extremely lucky minority. The human condition is such that there are many challenges and we are not always equipped to deal with these challenges. So we don’t blame our parents if they were not the perfect role models. Instead, we understand that they did the best they could, based on their beliefs, level of communication and understanding of how life works.
Alternatively, we bought into the fairy tale where the prince rescued the princess; they fell in love and lived happily ever after and we are still searching for that prince or princess that we can ride off into the sunset with. This expectation in the perfect person puts a lot of pressure on our partners to live up to some imaginary standard that most human beings may never measure up to.
So what do I mean by a conscious relationship? I don’t expect everyone to agree with me because we have been meeting our life partners and creating relationships in the same way for as long as marriage exists. Change always first meets with resistance and disbelief before it is accepted by a few brave, adventurous souls and when others start seeing the evidence or the results, they too begin to follow and after some time it becomes the new way of doing things. We cannot imagine not doing it the new way. Very much like the first cell phones. First the resistance and ridicule, then acceptance by a few and now mass adoption.
So if you’re one of the brave and adventurous, then I invite you walk this journey with me and to look at relationships in a whole new light. What if you could decide ahead of time the kind of relationship you’d like to experience and then consciously create it?
I have clients that have already done this and are the proof that it works. Firstly we need to understand our old relationship patterns and understand why we attracted that particular relationship. When we understand our patterns, we can change what we don’t want and fine tune what we do want. Change always begins on the inside. When we expect other people to make us happy and we expect them to become what we want, we give them our power. If they measure up to our expectations, we are happy and if they don’t then we are unhappy. What if the decision to be happy, was yours entirely?
A conscious relationship is one where both people are individuals and remain so in the relationship. Each person is focused on their own personal growth and they grow together as a couple. They support each other’s dreams and aspirations and challenge each other to be the best versions of themselves. The love is open and allowing rather than restrictive and conditional.
The focus of the relationship is mutual support, mutual respect, mutual understanding and acceptance. The love is deep. Both people see and acknowledge each other. They understand that being individuals, they will not always agree but they take the time to learn how to negotiate and resolve their differences so that both partners win, rather than one wins and one loses. They also understand that if they stop growing, individually or as a couple that they can go their own way, without feeling the need to destroy each other. They can love each other enough to want what’s best for their separate journeys ahead.
Wherever you are on the relationship journey; whether you are single and looking for a partner, or in a relationship or on the verge of a breakup; I challenge you to look at yourself and your relationship consciously. Be brave enough to take a deep dive. Are you willing to settle for mediocrity or would you rather create an EPIC relationship? Are you brave enough to shake the dry leaves off the tree and invite new growth and depth within yourself as an individual and in your relationships? It takes courage and work, but the results are definitely worth it.
Kas Naidoo- Transformational Coach and Matchmaker