Yes, apparently that’s a word now. Textaholic – one who is addicted to texting. Have you ever been on a date or in a meeting with someone and they are constantly checking their phone and even responding to text messages? “Everybody does it” is a poor excuse for a lack of social grace. After all you wouldn’t take drugs if “everybody” is doing it.
Years ago it was perfectly alright to smoke in a restaurant or in someone’s home. Ashtrays were left on the table for smokers. Today it is taboo to smoke in most buildings and you wouldn’t simply light up in the home of a non-smoker. Perhaps it’s time that we stopped texting in the presence of other people unless it’s absolutely crucial in that moment.
The polite way to find out if it’s an actual emergency or if they are just plain rude is to say: “I notice you’re distracted by your phone. Is everything ok?” If it’s really an emergency, they will tell you and you can suggest that they take care of the emergency which means you are actually being supportive. If however, it’s not, you have brought it to their attention; without being a diva about it.
Today, more than ever before, in the dating world, people are texting for weeks or even months on end; without ever meeting. If someone texts you and rarely or never makes the effort to call or meet; you could be wasting valuable time that you could be spending with a potential partner. Reflect on this for a moment. If there’s something that you really, really want; do you put in minimal effort or do you go all out to get it? So if someone is really into you, would they put in minimal effort or go all out?
Do you really want to settle for someone who cannot give you their time and undivided attention? Don’t you deserve more? If you settle for crumbs, you’re sending the message that you don’t believe you’re worth more. If you’re looking for a high quality person, don’t waste your time on endless texting. If you get a text that says, “hey” or “wud” chances are that they’ve sent it to a few people waiting to see who will take the bait and alleviate them of their boredom.
Gentlemen, if you want to ask a woman out on a date, call her! You will stand out from the crowd of “texters” immediately. Finding the right partner should never be the equivalent of a drive-through. Do you want fast food or a healthy, nutritious gourmet meal?
If someone texts you: “Want to hang out tonight?” and you agree, you’re setting a standard that you will have to accept in the future. If you’re available for last minute dates, they will not make the effort to plan a date with you. Set your standard. Tell them that it’s last minute but you’re available the next evening if they’d like to plan something. Texting has taken the fun out of the dating process. I know the texters are going to strongly disagree; but if you really like someone, make the effort, because if someone else calls and asks them out on a date, no amount of texting will ever measure up to that.
Show your standard and your preference. If someone simply texts and doesn’t make an effort to call; you don’t need to be rude to call them out. You can use a few lines, depending on how long you’ve been communicating:
- Hey, I really miss your sexy voice, We haven’t talked in ages
- I noticed something about you. … you luuurrve texting. I’ve forgotten what your voice sounds like.
- Want to know something about me? The way to my heart is through my ear…lol
- When the conversation gets serious – This is not a texting conversation. Let’s talk about it when we meet.
If someone still doesn’t respond with a call or a suggestion that you meet, ask yourself how much more of your time you want to invest in someone who clearly doesn’t want to invest in you.
If you want to create a genuine relationship with someone, it takes time and effort. When you meet face to face, you can hear the person’s tone of voice, see their expression and get a feel of their overall energy which is impossible from a text message. 90% of communication is non-verbal and emoticons certainly don’t count!
Use texting to find out if your date got home safely or to tell them you had a great time and would love to see them again. If a message is longer than your thumb, it should be a call. The one that chooses to make the call instead of long text messages certainly stands out from the rest in the dating world; so if you want to win at the dating game; pick up that phone!
Kas Naidoo is a Life Coach, Matchmaker & Founder of the Living by Design Life Transformation Program